Garden post 3 + thoughts on life

I'm boring and I harp on about the fact that I am super stressed out. I'm just exhausted.

That's why I was reallllllly naughty yesterday and didn't work on my thesis. I sat there with the books open, the computer in front of me, and the best intentions... but I just couldn't do it.

And you know what I did instead?

I crocheted.

And then we went to the garden where I had some photo and dirt therapy. 

Just what I needed!

I'm so happy that I remember I should listen to myself sometimes and recognize that sometimes I just need to do what is best for me. It's selfish and indulgent but reinvigorating and calming at the same time. 

The way I see it, there will always be a list of important things that need to get done, but who else is going to look out for me and say, "this time the list can wait till tomorrow" if I don't myself?

Exactly. No one.

So I took immense pleasure in seeing the lily of the valley buds...

Joy in how big rhubarb can grow in a week. (again)

 

I found pure inspiration in pansies. I took so many pansy pictures that they'll make their own post all together.

 

I found peace in composition.

 

Felt sadness for the daffodils that had been mercilessly attacked by what seemed to be a swarm of newborn snails... ick.

 Gardening isn't always so glorious.

But rejoiced to see some perfect specimens were spared. It made them that much more precious!

 

I admired perfectly majestic tulips.

These ones are rogue and pop up every year for some reason.

 

I breathed in the scent of grape hyacinths. It's like heaven.

 

I was excited to see the progress of the currants in just one week again. Soon we'll have bushes full of buzzing bees....photo gold. 

And let's not forget the currants these will become!

 

I found sweetness in almost fully blooming forget-me-nots. 

 

I had a rush of adrenaline from the seed collection my mom brought along. Look at them all! Oh the potential!

We split them up into piles of this year, next year, maybe if we have room. (here they aren't in any order though!)

 

And when we got home and I took these following photos, I found pride. In myself. 

 

No matter what happens in the next 6 months to a year... no matter how much I stress and struggle to see this degree through and become a nurse... I will do it. 

Because it's not in my nature to quit.

(Even though I'd love to!!! Lol!)

But I take pride in seeing things through. 

And now that I know what I don't want to be, and how little a decent salary and steady work mean in the long haul if you aren't happy or passionate (or even interested!).  I did what my brain said, maybe I need to focus next on what my heart has said all along? I think knowing what you don't want is incredibly empowering and gives so much drive and ambition into achieving what you DO want.

Who knows how it will all play out, but isn't the journey what it's about anyway?

Thanks for reading if you stuck with my philosophical and silly rambling. Although for me this was none of those things, but  in fact happily clarifying.

It's funny how much more things make sense when you see them in black and white. 

Tee hee. 

See ya very soon. With pansies!!!

WAAAAA!!!